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AS a sex therapist, I spend lots of time dealing with problems caused by misunderstandings between the genders. There are certain mistakes I see heterosexual couples make over kisses over again — and most are easily fixed kisses you have a better understanding of what the other sex is really all about.

But over time, ignorance of what the other is feeling can cost your sex life dearly. Here, I tell you the top five things men and women fail to grasp about each other. Many women say the biggest turn-on is to feel sexually irresistible. The more kisses want her, the more irresistible she feels. Most women love the idea of being chased.

This is the root cause of a lot of affairs. For most women, the mechanics of sex are not as important as simply feeling wanted. But women tend to talk about this a lot. Too hard. Too soft. Too wet. Not wet enough. Kisses much tongue. Not enough tongue. For her, a kiss should be just right. Then there is dental hygiene, breath and whether a partner seems to be sex paying attention to such things.

Most women, on kissing someone for kisses first time, will do a detailed sex. Her desire may rise or fall accordingly. Few men pay enough kisses to details such as personal hygiene when they sex in a long-term relationship. They should. For most women, looking good is hugely erotic — for her. The more attractive she feels, the more it turns her on.

Many more women than men said yes. Hers may have begun to grow much earlier in the day, when you did something that reminded her why she chose you.

A thoughtful text is always nice. The fact that you were thinking about her and took the time to let her know will impress her. Your words need not be intended to turn her on. But they should make her smile.

Flowers are great, too. It shows you have taken the time to think about her. Or plan a surprise sex out. A woman wants to know you are thinking about her even when she is not there. If you put in this kind of effort when you are apart, it will lead to fireworks when sex are together. Men tend not to realise this. Whatever you want. Let me take care of dinner while you take a bath. In bed, she would love it if you knew her body well enough for her to just shut off her mind and let you take charge.

Kisses women have had the experience of being only mildly attracted to a man at first, then getting much more attracted to him once they get to know kisses better. You can sex a man out to the best restaurant in town, laugh at his jokes and he may appreciate it. But it will not make him any more sexually attracted to you.

Here is the good news, though: If he is attracted to you, there is not much else you need to do to keep him happy in bed. Sure, sexy underwear can be nice. But the only thing a man needs sex drive him crazy in bed is a woman whose body turns him on. To climax, women need to get enough birds flying in the same direction. A glance at her naked, alongside a few well-placed moans, and his birds are up and flying towards their destination.

Yes, really. Just about all male sexual problems get worse in the presence of a willing and naked partner. One man may be OK during foreplay, but then he will lose his erection when things move on to the next stage. Another man may enjoy all kinds of physical stimulation without climaxingbut the minute intercourse begins, he is not able to hold back an orgasm. The key aspect in all this is not to make a big deal out of it.

This leads to all sorts of problems for couples — in and out of bed. The chances are he will notice her disappointment, but will not know quite what to do about it. So he will sex emotionally, which will make her even more upset. Eventually things can get to a point where he is so wary of her disappointment that he no longer feels it is safe to approach her in bed.

No woman truly understands what it is like for a man to lose an erection. Most men say it feels like losing an essential part of kisses. A man who has lost his confidence about his sex masculinity needs a partner who believes in him and accepts him as he is. That is the surest road to him getting back his confidence. Acceptance is key. Women and men both need lots of acceptance, every day. In that respect, despite kisses differences, we are all just the same.

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A woman wants to know you are thinking about her even when she is not there. If you put in this kind of effort when you are apart, it will lead to fireworks when you are together. Men tend not to realise this. Whatever you want. Let me take care of dinner while you take a bath. In bed, she would love it if you knew her body well enough for her to just shut off her mind and let you take charge.

Most women have had the experience of being only mildly attracted to a man at first, then getting much more attracted to him once they get to know him better. You can take a man out to the best restaurant in town, laugh at his jokes and he may appreciate it. But it will not make him any more sexually attracted to you. Here is the good news, though: If he is attracted to you, there is not much else you need to do to keep him happy in bed. Sure, sexy underwear can be nice.

But the only thing a man needs to drive him crazy in bed is a woman whose body turns him on. To climax, women need to get enough birds flying in the same direction. A glance at her naked, alongside a few well-placed moans, and his birds are up and flying towards their destination.

Yes, really. Just about all male sexual problems get worse in the presence of a willing and naked partner. One man may be OK during foreplay, but then he will lose his erection when things move on to the next stage. Another man may enjoy all kinds of physical stimulation without climaxing , but the minute intercourse begins, he is not able to hold back an orgasm. The key aspect in all this is not to make a big deal out of it.

This leads to all sorts of problems for couples — in and out of bed. The chances are he will notice her disappointment, but will not know quite what to do about it. So he will withdraw emotionally, which will make her even more upset.

Eventually things can get to a point where he is so wary of her disappointment that he no longer feels it is safe to approach her in bed. No woman truly understands what it is like for a man to lose an erection. Most men say it feels like losing an essential part of themselves. A man who has lost his confidence about his perceived masculinity needs a partner who believes in him and accepts him as he is.

That is the surest road to him getting back his confidence. Acceptance is key. Women and men both need lots of acceptance, every day. In that respect, despite our differences, we are all just the same. Sign in.

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