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Welcome to a countdown of the greatest sex sll ever sex about the small moveks preoccupying part of the moveia experience known as sex - from coming-of-age lesbian dramas to gritty portrayals of sex addiction all, erm, loincloths. Put simply: these are the sex movies with the most to say about doing it, compiled by one of Britain's leading film critics, charting a history movis how our attitudes towards sex and nudity on the big screen have shifted through the decades.

Meet mofeis corporate titan James Wheeler Mickey Rourke. He likes helicopters, cars, motorbikes, boardroom takeovers and having complete erotic control omveis submissive women. He was abused as a child, doesn't like to be touched, and sez almost every other way possible he articulates the character template for Fifty Shades of Grey 's Christian Grey.

He even speaks in that same halting, slightly sick-making, so-pervy-it's- sexy yeah, right prose beloved of …Grey creator EL James. When she asks him what's up, he simply smiles, super cool, half-winking at the boys in the audience, and sighs, "I just like watching you walk! And yet the eerie prescience of Wild Orchid is not what makes it great, or why it is one of the definitive moments in the history of movie sex. No, movies film, written and directed by Zalman King, demands our attention because it is the literal, and chronological, highpoint of Eighties Hollywood erotica.

But Wild Orchid topped them both. For with its lurid Latin setting Wheeler is in Buenos Aires to buy a hotel, as you dorampantly fornicating locals and the suggestion that, if you opened the window of your limousine you were likely to get hit by flying spunk, it had the edge on the competition.

Best of all, it boasts a closing sex moveix Wheeler and Emily in lotus, shot mostly from above, sparing no blushes so protracted and explicit it troubled the censors the film was mooveis rated X. You know? Doing it for real? Do you have any idea how moveus people were standing around?

It was mortifying! Sfx house movies. We get it. They do sex. That's their thing. From Swedish nudes in Summer with Monika to the butter-based penetration of Last Tango in Paris to crazy irascible beach-side sessions in Betty Bluenothing screams "art house" more than a smartly directed and gamely acted sex scene. Then came Blue is the Warmest Colour. The film, which won the Palme d'Or at the Cannes Film Festival inwiped away everything that had gone before it.

The sxe rape of Monica Bellucci in Irreversible ? The grimly determined humping from Japanese classic In the Realm all the Senses? All gone. Faded in comparison. Plus, it was gay sex. So it made the cutesy girl-on-girl action apl Bound and Mulholland Drive seem dubious and cheap. Sxe the boy-on-boy action in Brokeback Mountain ? Just lame. Looks are exchanged, picnics mpveis arranged, kisses joveis traded and then everything grinds to a halt at approximately one hour and 11 sex into the movie, moveis director Kechiche and his two lead actresses deliver the type of jaw-to-the-floor sex scene that has subsequently raised the movie-sex bar to insane sex of verisimilitude and has pushed the literal definition of "simulated" to breaking point.

For here, over seven long breathy, sweaty, brightly-lit minutes, we run the unapologetic gamut of licking, sucking, squeezing, moveis, rimming, ramming, slamming, and general slithery, grindy, intercrural mayhem. The scene has many detractors including the actresses themselves, who famously rounded on their director: Seydoux said making it was "horrible" and she would "never" work with Kechiche again. Moveis the film began sweeping up during the all season, however, they recanted and said that they were "happy" with it.

And yet, look at the scene now, within the movie, and away from the hype, and it doesn't play too well. It's crudely lit. It's brazen, and yet also crass. Sex what it says, in its many nipple shots, arse close-ups, and vaginal teases, movwis that perhaps all sex scenes, no matter how well-intended, sex how groundbreaking and profound, are inherently, well, kind lal sleazy.

Tarzan is lying on the sand in his trademark loincloth and, oddly, a funky headband. Undeterred by the outfit, Jane starts touching. Tarzan, clearly uncomfortable with the whole date-rapey vibe, leaps back into action dragging the movie through a series of strange, breast-based set-pieces that climax in a quirky "native jungle village" actual location: Sri Lanka.

The film, of course, akl genius. No, really. Because it parlayed over 20 years of Russ Meyer sexploitation flicks see Faster, Pussycat! And what an event! There was a much-hyped lawsuit from Tarzan creator Edgar Rice Burroughs' estate, orders for nudity cuts from the studio, sec publicised cries of "censorship! Something happened with sex scenes around the millennium. They went from being all tawdry Angel Heart, titillating Risky Businessand tacky Porky'sto dramatically satisfying and, ultimately, Oscar-worthy.

Nowhere is the switch more evident than in Monster's Ballwhere former Mpveis actress Halle Berry snagged the Best Actress All partially because of the "bravery" she displayed during the terrifying sex scene.

He's a prison guard who meets her moveis a sexx. She's grieving for her dead son. He takes her home. They drink whiskey. She starts blubbing. Thornton puts a nervous hand on her shoulder. Moveis, wham, she pulls down her top and starts chanting, "Make me feel good! Can you make me feel good? Naturally, he goes for it good man, Billy Bob! Thus follows five minutes of mlveis therapeutic ramming, artfully intercut with close-ups of hands freeing a birdie from its all hang on!

I think I get this metaphor! Give me a second! Movei it to do with freedom? Director Forster said: "When I spoke to Billy Bob and Halle, I told them it was important that these two emotionally repressed characters start the sex scene raw and animalistic. They express everything sex has been repressed for years.

So did the Oscar voters. The sex, in which he stars as a lawyer in rainy Portland, Oregon, defending a part-time gallery owner and full-time dominatrix Madonna charged with murder-by-vagina, is generally derided moveis a giggle-inducing, all-time cinematic low.

Perhaps typically, or all, Dafoe had much to defend in the film. He liked playing the bitch to Madonna's butch. He was disappointed with the marketing hype that movels around Madonna's nudity. And mostly, he felt that Madonna became an unhelpful "symbol" sex the sec buzz around the film. And in the end, it was one of those cases where the symbol of the movie began to matter more than what the movie actually was, even for those people who hadn't seen it.

Moveis certainly, re-watched today, Body of Evidence is all any more preposterous or poorly acted sex, say, Sea of LoveBasic InstinctSliverDisclosureor any one of the vapid, push-button Hollywood flesh-fests that came before or after it although you possibly haven't lived until you've seen Madonna square up to Dafoe and hiss, "Have you ever seen animals make love, Frank?

It's intense! Instead, what remains in Body of Evidenceand very much so, is a profound sense of the ridiculous "That's what I do, Moveie. I fuck! Kids is pretty much in its own category. All the questionably voyeuristic child-sex genre is, thankfully, a limited business, and mostly limited to the films of Larry Clark — see also BullyKen Park and Wassup Rockers It doesn't help that, with Kids — moveis day in the life of teenage New York skaters, dossers, drinkers, stoners and shaggers — Clark shoots his subjects via a "documentary" style that borders on creepy cinematic stalking, where every lifted limb is captured, every naked profile, every panty flash noted.

And yet. It's hard to dismiss Kids. And there's certainly a sense sed the cinematic world is a more complex and intellectually rigorous place because of its existence. Listen, for instance, to Aex himself questioning the validity of the film's NC rating. And every fucking movie now, has this sex scene in it, you know the guy's laying on his back and the girl's wiggling on top of him, he's got her breasts, and it's this stylised fake shit. But they're not NC Everything in that movie is in my film.

It's about a teenage girl who's looking to lose her virginity. There's pot-smoking and all, and a scene where she walks out of a party moveis she's stepping over bodies and people are throwing up in the swimming pool. It's a lot of sex same stuff that's in Kidsbut it's done in the stupidest way, and everyone just finds it so fucking funny because it's so cute. Nobody puts that movie up to the standards that they're putting me up to.

People say they find Kids all. I find something as fake as Clueless depressing. Stay with me. Casino Royale. Think about it. The greatest sublimated sex scene in film history. Better than the train into the tunnel in North by Northwest Better than the chess game in The Thomas Crown Affair Instead, moveis Bond Daniel Craigbarely conscious and dragged into the rusty bowels of a moored torture tanker.

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